Sex has always
been an issue of dichotomy. An integral part of our lives and essential
for the continuation of the species, it is far more than just a
technical necessity.
Sex, like most
other functions of our body is a normal process. As other functions,
like for example, the digestion, can be upset by factors like a bad
mood, stress or similar such things, so can the sexual function be
disturbed by a whole lot of factors. These may not necessarily involve
the anatomy but instead it’s the mind, which makes the difference.
If sex is allowed to happen naturally, in a relaxed way, our bodies will
respond normally without any conscious effort on our part.
There are a wide variety of problem or situations that can upset the
normal sexual responsiveness, most of them, fortunately, can be helped
in a positive manner by understanding on our part. Here are a few of the
most common amongst them and ways to improve:
Bad feelings
about Sex and its consequences
1. Fear of pregnancy; Fear of pain; Fear of being caught / heard / or
interrupted.
2. Performance
Anxiety-Fear of failing to perform well.
3. Fear of losing control (during orgasm) and or becoming vulnerable.
4. Looking unattractive during the climax.
5. Bad feelings about yourself or your body like, feeling that the
body is unattractive. Feelings that I am not successful (low
self-esteem).
Problems in relationship
Anger/resentment against the partner should be resolved as it can
decrease the performance and pleasure while having sex.
Unsuitable circumstances
While a ‘Quickie’ sometimes can be fun! But normally Good Sex requires a
relaxed mind and body. Too much of a hurry, tiredness or preoccupation
can rob you of the pleasures of Sex.
Performance
anxiety
This is one of the most significant problems in the way of Good Sex. We
often forget that Sex is something that comes naturally to all of us,
instead, we seem to view ourselves as performers who have to complete an
act to perfection.
Spectator role
Quite often we start observing ourselves as an audience, instead of
really participating in it. – We observe ourselves ‘doing the act’, as
if on stage (now coming, now coming...., so again it doesn't,...I knew
it…etc.).
Avoid
spectatoring
Remember that you are not a spectator of an act, you are the act itself,
and you are the participant. You are not there to critically analyze it
and constantly to measure your efficiency. You are there to ‘Let Go’ and
enjoy.
Enjoy the interaction and don’t aim or worry about the performance.
Enjoy caressing, touching your partner (anywhere on the body). It’s nice
to touch and feel close to your partner.
Break the cycle of watching / worrying / and further reducing the
response.
Improve communication
Communication is a vital part of having Good Sex. Remember "Sex is as
much between the Ears, as it is, between the Legs". Good communication
with your partner can make the difference between having Sex ‘for the
sake of it’ and having ‘a really good time’.
Communicate verbally / non-verbally. Tell your partner where else do you
want, to be touched-how much and for how long. Tell him/her when it’s
pleasurable and also when it hurts. Relax pleasantly and enjoy this
without worrying about the ultimate. Enjoy in different positions,
sometimes-female superior positions can be an easy position.
Remove Misunderstanding
A misunderstanding between the partners can really affect the sexual
relationship badly. The clearer both are about each other and Sex the
better it is. A feeling that something important needs to be sorted out
before going further should not be overlooked.
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