Sex has always
been an issue of dichotomy. An integral part of our lives and essential
for the continuation of the species, it is far more than just a
On the other
hand Maharishi Vatsayan's Kamasutra is yet unparalleled as
most comprehensive documentation ever on the practice of sex.
its classic treatment of the act and the art has often been
misrepresented. The ancient Ayurvedic text of Charaka Samhita
provided complete sexual solutions over 3000 years ago And the
time-frozen, stone-carved, erotic sculptures in the temples at Khajuraho
and Konarak leave millions of visitors utterly awe-struck by their sheer
beauty, elegance and variety. An undying testimony to how intrinsic sex
was to the daily lives of people in ancient India.
Sex, like most
other functions of our body is a normal process. As other functions,
like for example, the digestion, can be upset by factors like a bad
mood, stress or similar such things, so can the sexual function be
disturbed by a whole lot of factors. These may not necessarily involve
the anatomy but instead it’s the mind, which makes the difference.
If sex is allowed to happen naturally, in a relaxed way, our bodies will
respond normally without any conscious effort on our part.
There are a wide variety of problem or situations that can upset the
normal sexual responsiveness, most of them, fortunately, can be helped
in a positive manner by understanding on our part. Here are a few of the
most common amongst them and ways to improve:
Misunderstanding and/or lack of information about sex:
Its indeed one of the most telling ironies that Sex, despite being one
of the most commonly discussed topic in our lives and in the media,
there is a surprising lack of correct information about ‘What to Expect
and How to Act’.
Those images of the ‘Perfect Macho Man and The Perfect Sensual Woman’ on
the TV and in the Magazines make us feel that Sex instead of being a
perfectly normal natural and enjoyable thing, is an ‘Act to be Performed
to Perfection’. All this does it to add to the confusion and leads to
unrealistic fears, expectations and fantasies.
about Sex and its consequences
1. Fear of pregnancy; Fear of pain; Fear of
being caught / heard / or
Anxiety-Fear of failing to
3. Fear of losing control (during orgasm) and or becoming vulnerable.
4. Looking unattractive during the climax.
5. Bad feelings about yourself or your body like, feeling that the
body is unattractive. Feelings that I am not successful (low
Problems in relationship
Anger/resentment against the partner should be resolved as it can
decrease the performance and pleasure while having sex.
While a ‘Quickie’ sometimes can be fun! But normally Good Sex requires a
relaxed mind and body. Too much of a hurry, tiredness or preoccupation
can rob you of the pleasures of Sex.
This is one of the most significant problems in the way of Good Sex. We
often forget that Sex is something that comes naturally to all of us,
instead, we seem to view ourselves as performers who have to complete an
act to perfection.
Quite often we start observing ourselves as an audience, instead of
really participating in it. – We observe ourselves ‘doing the act’, as
if on stage (now coming, now coming...., so again it doesn't,...I knew
Remember that you are not a spectator of an act, you are the act itself,
and you are the participant. You are not there to critically analyze it
and constantly to measure your efficiency. You are there to ‘Let Go’ and
Enjoy the interaction and don’t aim or worry about the performance.
Enjoy caressing, touching your partner (anywhere on the body). It’s nice
to touch and feel close to your partner.
Break the cycle of watching / worrying / and further reducing the
Communication is a vital part of having Good Sex. Remember "Sex is as
much between the Ears, as it is, between the Legs". Good communication
with your partner can make the difference between having Sex ‘for the
sake of it’ and having ‘a really good time’.
Communicate verbally / non-verbally. Tell your partner where else do you
want, to be touched-how much and for how long. Tell him/her when it’s
pleasurable and also when it hurts. Relax pleasantly and enjoy this
without worrying about the ultimate. Enjoy in different positions,
sometimes-female superior positions can be an easy position.
A misunderstanding between the partners can really affect the sexual
relationship badly. The clearer both are about each other and Sex the
better it is. A feeling that something important needs to be sorted out
before going further should not be overlooked.
Diseases & Conditions
MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT SEX
MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT SEX
penis can become erect at very early stage, especially in a young man.
This does not mean that he is necessarily ready for intercourse and he
may start too soon - before his partner feels ready. She may become
anxious as she feels she is keeping him waiting. Vaginal lubrication may
remain hidden especially in lying down positions. Both partners may
assume she is not responding, when in fact she is. Penis gives a more
obvious signal, which the vagina may not. Arousal comes in waves in both
the man and the woman. This is normal. The decline doesn't mean that
something is wrong. Premature ejaculation (coming too soon, before the
partner is ready) is normal in young men, particularly when very much
aroused. Control comes with learning and practice. Many women may not
have orgasm but are fully responsive. This doesn’t mean that they are
frigid. Early sexual relationships may not have orgasms in women.
Partners need not worry.
Anxiety further inhibits it. The husband
snoring one minute after ejaculating can produce resentment if the wife
is still feeling the need for intimacy. The men have their refractory
period (time during which sexual arousal is difficult) very fast. Woman
need not feel upset (as if being used as a sleeping pill) - you can wake
up your husband sometimes and let him know.
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